1. |
Sick in the Summer
03:39
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This is the place you settle in
when you've abandoned where you've been,
and your friends will try to call,
but you don't know them at all.
This is the way the sun bends in
when you've abandoned everything,
and no one will step in
if you wind up
in a jam.
When it's cold in the winter,
you think of a summer.
I'm sick in the summer. I'm sick in the summer.
(you know you belong here, where you're alone)
Hold out for the real things.
Hold on to nothing else.
Hold out for the real things.
End up with nothing.
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2. |
Wonderful Then
04:00
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In the hotel that night,
I was waiting on a ride.
The elevator door opened--
you were standing inside
in unflattering light
but with the warmest smile,
the kind that invites some optimism
in a dismal life.
You were wonderful then,
but it doesn't matter now.
You mortified my skin, subjugated the mouth,
played so innocent
so I wouldn't walk out
while there was still a way out.
In the club that time,
I was sticking to the side.
You pulled me on the floor--
warm hands, blinding lights,
and their unstoppable eyes.
I said, "Hey, are they looking at us?"
You took me close and whispered,
"Let's give them something to watch."
You were wonderful then.
We fell home, sweat-drowned.
Memory of the scent
chased me five states south.
It all looks innocent
when you learn to block out
the needle of the doubt.
In simulations, I maintain control;
I never let it get so far--
but here we are.
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3. |
River Phoenix
02:57
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Moonshine Baby is the boy I want to be.
He sighs and leans, sweeps his hair,
and breaks their hearts
before he even speaks.
Moonshine Baby is the boy I want to be.
I'd say it out loud,
but no one would ever
believe me.
When Mom's asleep, we watch monster flicks
or Stand By Me.
Dad serves ice cream, says I'm his girl
and I can be
anything.
River Phoenix is the boy--
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4. |
Trade Positions
04:30
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I've been waiting
my whole life
like a dead fish
lies on ice,
waiting on someone who
might bite.
Am I something you might want to
trade positions with?
Show some emotional grace.
No inquisitions,
just talk to me,
your cold, rotten adversary.
Wipe your feet and come inside.
I want to make it feel good,
want to make you think twice.
You'll never know me, but
you try,
and I'm writing every word just to make you
change your position here,
shift your emotional state.
It's no imposition
to talk to me.
Have and hold,
lock and release.
I've been waiting.
I've been waiting.
I said wait. I said wait.
Change positions here.
Shift our emotion.
It's no imposition.
Just talk to me
and, heaven, want me.
Just so you know,
I felt it once
come in calm
and come undone.
Change positions here.
Just show me some emotion.
It's no imposition.
Just talk to me.
Heaven, want me.
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5. |
Antonia
03:33
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I saw you at lunch,
staring off a bit too much.
Bored of the pills? Want a new crutch?
Think it over. Come around.
Your friends never say the truth--
you like it that way.
But there's a hidden hell
you want to touch.
Come and see me. I'm around
It'd be so easy to break you down.
But Antonia, I would never do that to you.
Antonia, I would never do that
unless you really wanted me to.
You slip and get too drunk,
and then you talk a little too much,
how your life's a shell
you want to crush.
You could come over. We'll work it out.
And at the lake,
you said you're making the same mistakes--
but you need someone to tell
or just to touch.
If you need order, I can help.
I could push you forward. You could taste the ground.
But Antonia, I would never do that to you.
Antonia, I would never do that
unless you really wanted me to.
Antonia, I think I know what does it for you.
Antonia, I would never do that
unless you really wanted it.
Sleepwalker, you could hurt yourself in a dream.
I knew a sweet thing.
I had her self-worth on a string.
And I showed her what it really meant
when I said I could paint it
black and red.
But Antonia, I would never do that to you.
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6. |
Interlude
02:15
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7. |
Coliseum
02:48
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All I know
is nobody knows
anyone or anything, really.
Anyway,
that's why I'm on my
own today. I've
flown to Rome today
to watch the tourists roam. Outside,
the Coliseum
looks miserable without you,
but it's true:
no one could know me
when even you
don't know me
at all,
and so this is my last call
and afterwards, I'll
stay the hell away
from everyone
every day.
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8. |
Kyrie
04:59
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Kyrie eleison.
Let me be what they want.
You long so long for something good
to come along.
When I finally gave up,
it didn't hurt that much.
It's everything to me
I don't want to talk about
going under my chosen water.
(We all chart a course and live with the outcomes).
You're still everything
I don't want to talk about
what we swore under the oleander.
(I never tell a lie I'm not prepared to pay for).
Kyrie eleison.
I can't be like you are.
Go win the world with your
apostolic charm.
Behind the wall, I'll read it all
with wormwood and gall.
It's everything to me
I don't want to talk about
who I play under oath and order.
(I never start a lie I'm not prepared to live out).
You're still everything
I don't want to talk about
what sold me under the oleander.
(I would never buy something I couldn't pay for).
They all know you'll sort it out,
but you don't really want to
right now.
Learn to sleep
in a house lit up
with the things that you won't shut off.
It's everything to me
that I don't want to talk about.
I'm going under still water.
(I never take a drink of something I wouldn't drown in).
You're still everything
I don't want to talk about
what's done and over any longer.
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9. |
Julie
03:49
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Julie goes to work,
wearing a sundress
and a sunburn
earned on the weekend
gardening outside.
Subway station is grim.
People hold their things
so close to them
and look bored of their friends.
They push their ways inside.
See some children run by.
Three laugh, and one cries.
Shake a fist at the sky.
The unfairness of life!
Train car window. City blurs.
Julie thinks about the universe.
It's cold and alive
and one day will die.
If you can take a fall,
you'll always be all right
(or maybe not this time).
Through the fog,
a city of lights,
and I'm dying to try
anything you say feels all right.
Julie tends her dad's grave
because today is Memorial Day.
Each year, it's the same.
Keeps guarding the blankness
she's felt since she was five.
Another fine day spent
in a series of days spent.
Pause, savor, suspect
it's as good as it gets.
If you can take a fall,
you'll always be all right
(or maybe not this time).
Through the fog,
a city of lights.
They're the dying kind.
You'll never know,
so act like you're right.
Come home ashamed
to the people who run you,
and they say,
"Cooperate."
I would never do that you.
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studentdriver New Orleans, Louisiana
never leave the house.
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